Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

This year I have been especially good. On no less than
217 occasions I have been nearly provoked into killing
my boyfriend, but have managed to abstain from doing
so all but once. For this, I think I have earned many
good presents.

My gift requests are, of course, modest. First and
foremost, I would like a master's degree (or a Ph.D if
you have any extras) preferably from the University of
Chicago, but I will also accept one from Yale,
Harvard, Cambridge, Oxford, or Stanford. Please be
sure to spell my name correctly on my diploma(s).
There is no "e" in Marcilliat.

In addition, I would greatly enjoy my own car, parking
space, dance studio, cashmere sweater, manicurist, and
pony. If this list is too complicated, feel free to
simplify matters and just send cash. I accept most
first-world currencies, but please, no checks. One can
never be too careful, not even with Santa. If sending
dollars, please concentrate on 10's and 20's, with the
occasional 50 thrown in for good measure.

I feel sure that you will find this list satisfactory,
and completely deserved by yours truly. Please send my
greetings to Mrs. Claus, and may you have a joyous
Holiday Season.

Cordially,
Maggie "Good Girl" Marcilliat